


you, again .*• seungjin one-shot

by 4419blues



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Breaking Up & Making Up, Confrontations, Drinking, Friends to Lovers, Hwang Hyunjin is Whipped, Kim Seungmin is Whipped, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Up, Mentioned Han Jisung | Han, Mentioned Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Mentioned Lee Minho | Lee Know, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:20:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23143795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4419blues/pseuds/4419blues
Summary: when unspoken words are lingering in the air and questions are being left unanswered, will hyunjin be able to rekindle the life in the other's eyes?
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	you, again .*• seungjin one-shot

**Author's Note:**

> just a little drabble... idk why i felt like writing one. whew i haven't written in so long so uhh idk how this would turn out but enjoy !?? i'll probably still edit this someday just so it would be better (or so i hope)
> 
> p.s. i wrote this while listening to so soobin's song "you, again" (hence the title) SOOOO i would suggest that you listen to the song while reading this :)

seungmin is _frustrated_ beyond human comprehension. 

no, it's not because he agreed to go to jisung's party– he _never_ turned down any. for him, being in a party means meeting potential friends and escaping from your stressors and uneventful life. it's also not because the unfamiliar songs blasting through the speakers are the culprit of his disrupted conversation with minho. in fact, no one knows why, except for him, and he plans for it to stay that way. and so, to ease his flaring nerves and fluctuating temper, he took a walk towards a small, secluded playground a block away from the center of commotion and liquor. without a second thought, he lay down on his back and became one with the grass blades poking him and peeking up from each of his sides. he just wanted peace of mind– except that he never got it.

"um, mind if i lie down, too?" a slightly familiar voice spoke up. each words stung him but he never understood why until he turned around. a mixture of anger and hurt coursed through seungmin's veins as he averted his gaze towards the source of the voice. a guy a few meters from him waited expectantly while playing with the grass using his sneakers. _the same black sneakers._

seungmin gritted his teeth. "why are you not at the party?"

"i don't know. i hate the noise." seungmin laughed bitterly. _bullshit, you requested a song. why are you so bad at lying?_

"you could've just gone home. you have your car."

the guy let out a deep sigh before sitting by the bottom of the slide slightly adjacent to where seungmin is. seungmin wanted to stand up and leave or to possibly go back to the party and take a couple of sips but he didn't– he doesn't know why. if there is anything he's sure of, it's that he just want to close his eyes and hear nothing. silence enveloped them until one of them spoke up.

"you did not have it removed." his voice had a hint of hope but still full of defeat as he pertained to the tiny moon tattoo by seungmin's left collarbone. seungmin was too disoriented to notice that it peeked from him gray hoodie. he squeezed his eyes shut; he doesn't want this conversation. he doesn't want to hear anything from him right now. but somehow, what he said wasn't a question so he doesn't need to say something– except that he did.

"hyunjin, i don't need this." and then just like that, silence fell between them again. usually, silence can be so comforting and seungmin bask in the glory of it, but right now, it's suffocating and making him light-headed. before any of this progresses into something, seungmin stood up and ran his hand against his hair. it's been a long night.

"s-seungmin." hyunjin whispered, hurt evident in his voice. "can we... can we talk-" seungmin stopped in his tracks but he didn't answer. " _again?"_

seungmin knew this would happen. he knew hyunjin would still find a way for them to talk about _it._ he was so used to his persistence until he wasn't for a year. he knew he should've prepared himself for any of this to happen but he also knew he would never be ready even if he prepares for it. nonetheless, he turned around with face lacking of any expressions, at least he hoped.

hyunjin bit his lip before speaking up. "thank you." the older looked visibly hurt and relieved and seungmin took a deep breath. at one point, he doesn't want him to be like that– head hanging low and lips quivering– but a part of him couldn't help being angry after what he had done. _he brought this upon himself._ this reminder made seungmin wanting to just get this over with.

"what do you want to say? speak up." seungmin urged, looking away from the other. he cried enough a year ago. _that's enough._

"seungmin... i'm–"

"what?" seungmin interrupted, the hurt he had repressed resurfacing. "if you're just gonna say you're sorry, please cut it out."

"no, minnie– seungmin, listen." hyunjin hurriedly spoke up. seungmin visibly tensed up at the way his nickname rolled off the older's tongue. "seungmin, i can't not say it. i swear i mean this. i'm really sorry." at this point, a lone tear slipped from hyunjin's eye but he quickly wiped it away. 

seungmin fought back his and let another bitter laugh escape from his lips. "no, hyunjin. i don't know. what are you saying now?" 

"seungmin, i'm not asking you to forgive me." hyunjin's words were full of guilt and anger towards himself. "i truly understand if... if you cannot. i really do. after all, i was the one who made you went through hell."

his words struck seungmin in a way he didn't expect. his resolve cannot crumble again or he would get hurt. he doesn't want to go back to the days he would replay everything they had shared and wonder where he went wrong. he doesn't want to partly blame himself again when hyunjin was the one who _left._

"i'm glad. i'm glad you don't expect anything from me." seungmin bit his lip while looking at the rusty swing set to help him have courage. "but i expect something from you, i think? why the fuck did you do _that_?" 

seungmin's hands are balled to a fist. he doesn't know why he had to ask that. he's unsure of whether he just wants to know what happened or if he's hoping for something to be rekindled. he only had taken just four shots of soju so he doesn't know whether to blame his confusion on that or not. by this time, the music from jisung's house is getting louder and he's slightly thankful– he wants to distract himself from these thoughts.

hyunjin took a sharp breath but his eyes were full of eagerness. for once, maybe seungmin wanted to hear something from him. "first of all, seungmin... seungmin i'm really sorry. i knew it was dumb... i _am_ dumb for leaving you hanging for a year. you have every right to spite me because i was so afraid and i let it get the best of me. i was afraid–"

"oh my _fucking_ god..." seungmin massaged his temples as an attempt to stop the tears forming in his eyes. "oh you were afraid, _hwang hyunjin_? of what? what did i even _do?_ what were you so afraid of?"

hyunjin let out a deafening sob. _maybe this is going nowhere_. "i was... no. you didn't do anything seungmin. if anything, you were everything i never knew i would ever have." seungmin swallowed the lump in his throat. _why did he have to say that?_

"oh? if so..." seungmin's fists tightened. " _why did you leave me?_ if you already did it, why can't you _leave_ right now because at this point, i don't know what to think of you anymore. why can't you just tell me what you were so afraid of?"

it seemed like hyunjin was ready with every word seungmin would say. it seemed like he accepted the worst possible outcome out of this conversation. "i was... i was afraid of how you would think of me. i was afraid of my feelings." seungmin's eyebrows furrowed. he doesn't understand. 

"seungmin, i don't know if it's too late now or if it would ever matter but i know we were friends for almost six years. trust me when i say i tried for it to stay like that but... i couldn't."

"what the hell are–"

"for years, i always just looked at you as my soulmate, my _best friend._ i've seen you be happy, be sad, be angry, and be _in_ _love._ in that six years of our friendship, the last two years of it i had to hide what i feel. i was so afraid that you'll push me away. i was so afraid that i think, i was _falling_ for you. you were still with felix that time and it felt so _wrong_ that i have feelings for you when i know you love him dearly... and you probably just see me as a friend."

"and then because of that... because of that–" a couple of tears threatened to escape from seungmin's eyes but he wiped them away as if they never existed. "you left me... without saying anything for a _year_? did you even trust me? why did you never talk to me about it? did you know how much it hurt me when i went to our usual spot every single day for weeks and not a single trace of you was there? did you know that the night you left was the night felix and i parted ways and i had _no_ one?"

"oh god..." this new information evoked a new set of tears from hyunjin. he realized how much he _fucked up._ "i'm so sorry... i was afraid of you changing how you would see me. i was afraid that you will be so disgusted of me. i thought leaving you without explaning anything is better but turns out, it's what made you look at me with disgust. i'm so sorry i wasn't there when you needed me the most. i will always be sorry of how you were so kind to me yet i still managed to hurt you."

"hyunjin... hyunjin." seungmin couldn't hold his tears back anymore. a part of him still wants to be mad at hyunjin. after all, he had to continue living with carrying unknown guilt for something he doesn't know. however, a greater half of him is starting to understand how hyunjin must've devastated, too. "i... i want to stay mad at you. i want to but... i don't know. i just– why is it so hard right now? why am i forgiving you?"

for half a minute, nothing but their sobs could be heard from each of them and they were deafening enough to drown out the sounds from jisung's house.

after what felt like awhile, seungmin spoke up. "do you know why felix and i... broke up?"

hyunjin looked up while wiping his tears to stare at seungmin, urging him to continue.

"he sensed i have feelings for another person." seungmin doesn't know where he got the courage to say this. even without any liquor in his system, he's sure he would never do this. "hell, do you even know who?"

hyunjin doesn't know what to answer. as much as he wants to know who the lucky person was, he's afraid of what he might hear. maybe it would just break him apart– except that he's wrong.

_"it suck but it's you. until now."_ hyunjin's mouth went agape. no words were coming out of his mouth. seungmin shrugged at the lack of response and was ready to walk away when hyunjin replied.

"seungmin... it's also still you, _until now._ " 

seungmin laughed as if he's finding the whole thing amusing and stupid. he never thought this whole thing can possibly happen– it's too web drama-esque. "you can stop lying. you don't have to reciprocate it. let me just move on alre–"

"no, seungmin. i'm not lying about anything." hyunjin stepped closer to look intently at the younger's eyes. "i'm really _really_ still in love you. i was stupid enough to think that maybe not seeing you will make the feeling go away but... it didn't. every single day i was not with you last year, i kept thinking of _how your eyes smile together with your mouth. how your cheeks will have a shade of pink whenever you try to eat something spicy. how your hands burn at my sides whenever you tickle me or give me a comforting hug after a difficult day. how your laugh sounds and oh i was so afraid i would forget how it sounds..._ " hyunjin trailed off for a few seconds as he gathered enough courage to say the last thing. "and _how beautiful and soft your lips would feel._ " 

seungmin doesn't want to believe anything of those is true. he wants to put up with his façade but the more he stares at hyunjin's honey-colored eyes, the more the walls he had built for a year started to crash beneath his feet. it felt like the waves of emotions and confusion were coercing him to say something– but he can't and he didn't. 

instead, he held hyunjin's hand and pulled him closer after an excrutiatingly long time. his hands still feels the same– _soft, warm, and seemingly destined to be against his._ they stared longingly at each other, their eyes conveying words they cannot utter. seungmin gave the answer to hyunjin's last wonder.

as their faces became closer, and their breaths touched the other's lips, seungmin took the initiative. _oh god do their lips also feel like stars aligning and forming a constellation– a perfect fit._ hyunjin's head was spinning and so was seungmin's– never did _any_ of them think this would happen.

_Make me cry_

_Why can't you leave me alone? You bother me_

_I'll cuddle you for a moment_

_If you nod off, I wanna pretend not to notice_

as their lips continued being in contact with each other, tears were also being shed and shared. so many questions were answered yet so many yet will arise after. however, none of those mattered anymore. when hyunjin pulled seungmin by the neck and seungmin held hyunjin's face tenderly with his right thumb hovering at the other's eye mole, they had a mutual unspoken understanding that maybe, _just maybe_ , it's just their hidden feelings resurfacing that matters right now.

_I want me and my expressions to be in your heart_

_I'll ask first, because there's so much (I want to ask)_

_Look, even if I want to hug you, it's awkward so_

_I got used to just watching you_

"fuck you, jisung." seungmin laughed as he pulled away. for an unknown reason, the sound coming out of jisung's speakers became louder than earlier. "why that song? _why?"_

hyunjin laughed along with seungmin, the heavy weight on his chest finally lifted off him. seungmin smiled at hyunjin almost the same way he used to before any of _these_ happened, except now it is laced with fondness. hyunjin returned the gesture, but with a stronger fondness he had been feeling for four years now. they sat beside each other, backs against the wooden, sturdy bench, with hyunjin's head resting on top of seungmin' left collarbone– the one with the moon tattoo– and seungmin tracing each rays of the sun tattoo on hyunjin's right collarbone– the one he got with him when they turned 18 as a sign that they will always have the other. _even if they contrast in some ways, they are what give the other a reason to exist._

to hyunjin, seungmin will always be the moon that guides him as he traverse in a path blanketed with darkness. to hyunjin, seungmin will always be the moon that casts a faint, consoling glow whenever he seeks solace on the nights his fears are looming above him. to hyunjin, seungmin will always be _his moon._

as for seungmin, hyunjin will always be the sun that exudes benevolence on the days he feels like the world is giving him a cold shoulder. to seungmin, hyunjin will be the sun that he looks forward to dance above the horizon everyday as it gives him reason to hope whenever the nighttime prior to it made him want to give up. to seungmin, hyunjin will always be _his sun._

as the two sat close to each other while letting the autumnal wind caress their flustered faces, they know deep down that they have promised to stay together for as long as their bodies will allow. however, hyunjin knows better than to be silent when he was given the second chance he doesn't know if he deserve.

"kim seungmin,whatever happens, it will always be you, _again."_

**Author's Note:**

> hello, please let me know what u think of this :] i'm sorry if there were errors because english isn't my first language and i haven't had someone proofread this. thank you for reading <3


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